"At my age flowers scare me."- George Burns
Out Fishing
At the Senior Citizen's luncheon, an elderly gentleman
and an elderly lady struck up a conversation and
discovered that they both loved to fish. Since both of
them were widowed, they decided to go fishing together
the next day.
The gentleman picked the lady up, and they headed to
the river to his fishing boat and started out on their
adventure. They were riding down the river when there
was a fork in the river, and the gentleman asked the
lady, "Do you want to go up or down?"
All of a sudden the lady stripped off her shirt and
pants and made mad passionate love to the man right
there in the boat! When he finished, the man couldn't
believe what had just happened, but he had just
experienced the best sex that he'd had in years. They
fished for a
while and continued on down the river, when soon they
came upon another fork in the river. He asked the lady,
"Up or Down?"
There she went again, stripped off her clothes, and
made wild passionate love to him again. This really
impressed the elderly gentleman, so he asked her to go
fishing again the next day. She said yes, and here they
were the next day,
riding in the boat when they came
upon the fork in the river, and the elderly man asked,
"Up or Down?"
The woman replied, "Down." A little puzzled,
the gentleman drove the boat down the river when he
came upon another fork in the river and he asked the
lady, "Up or Down?"
She replied "Up."
This really confused the gentleman, so he asked,
"What's the deal?
Yesterday, every time I asked you if you wanted
to go up or down, you made mad passionate love to me.
Now today, nothing!"
She replied, "Well yesterday I wasn't wearing my
hearing aid and I thought the choices were
"FUCK or DROWN!"
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Hearing Problem
An old man decided his old wife was getting hard of hearing.
So he called her doctor to make an appointment to have her hearing checked.
The Doctor said he could see her in two weeks, and meanwhile there's a simple,
informal test the husband could do to give the doctor some idea of the dimensions of the problem.
"Here's what you do. Start about 40 feet away from her, and speak in a normal conversational
tone and see if she hears you. If not, go to 30 feet, then 20 feet, and so on until you get a response."
So that evening she's in the kitchen cooking dinner, and he's in the living room,
and he says to himself, "I'm about 40 feet away, let's see what happens."
"Honey, what's for supper?" No response.
So he moves to the other end of the room, about 30 feet away. "Honey, what's for supper?" No response.
So he moves into the dining room, about 20 feet away. "Honey, what's for supper?" No response.
On to the kitchen door, only 10 feet away. "Honey, what's for supper?". No response.
So he walks right up behind her. "Honey, what's for supper?"
"For the fifth time, chicken!
Waiting for the Urologist
An older gent had an appointment to see a urologist who
shared an office with several other doctors. The
waiting room was filled with patients.
He approached the receptionist desk. The receptionist
was a large imposing woman who looked like a wrestler.
He gave her his name. In a very loud voice, the
receptionist said, "YES, I SEE YOUR NAME HERE...
YOU WANT TO SEE THE DOCTOR ABOUT IMPOTENCE,
RIGHT?"
All of the patients in the waiting room snapped their
head around to look at the very embarrassed man.
He recovered quickly though, and in an equally loud
voice replied, "NO, I'VE COME TO INQUIRE ABOUT A
SEX CHANGE OPERATION.... AND I'D LIKE THE SAME DOCTOR
THAT DID YOURS!"
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