Missceleneous

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I think many of you will greatly enjoy this, being teens and such. If you find the word "fuck" or "penis" or "cum" or "pussy" or anything sexually oriented offenssive, please leave at this time. This is a collection of poems and other things that are . . . fun. Enjoy!

Oral Sex-An Ode To Love

Penis breath,
a lover's dread
Is what you get
when you give head

Unpleasant as it tends to be
Be grateful that he doesn't pee

It's times like this, you wonder why
you bothered reaching for his fly

But it's too late,
can't be a tease
Accept the facts,
get on your knees

You know you've got a job to do
So open wide and shove it through
Lick the tip then take it all
Don't drag your teeth or he might bawl

Slide up and down,
use your tongue
And feel the precum start to run
So when the fuck's he gonna cum

Just, when you can't take anymore
You hear your lover's mighty roar
And when he hits that real high note
You feel it oozing down your throat

Salty, fishy, sticky, stuff
Okay, already that's enough
Let's switch you say,
before you gag
And what revenge,
your on the rag.

*The Top Ten Men!!**

1. The Doctor because he says,"Take off your clothes"
2. The Dentist because he says,"Open Wide"
3. The hairdresser because he says,"Do you want it teased or blown"
4. The Milkman because he says,"Do you want it in front or in back?"
5. The Interior Decorator because he says,"Once you have it all in, you'll love it."
6. The Banker because he says,"If you take it out to soon, you'll lose interest"
7. The Police Officer because he says,"Spread 'em"
8. The Mailman because he always delivers his package.
9. The Pilot because he takes off fast and then slows down.
10. The Hunter because he always goes deep in the bush, shoots twice and always eats what he shoots.

The Creation Of A Pussy

Seven wise men with knowledge so fine,
created a pussy to their design.

First was a butcher,
with smart wit,
using a knife,
he gave it a slit,

Second was a carpenter,
strong and bold,
with a hammer and chisel,
he gave it a hole,

Third was a tailor,
tall and thin,
by using red velvet,
he lined it within,

Fourth was a hunter,
short and stout,
with a piece of fox fur,
he lined it without,

Fifth was a fisherman,
nasty as hell,
threw in a fish
and gave it a smell,

Sixth was a preacher,
whose name was McGee,
touched it and blessed it,
and said it could pee,

Last was a sailor,
dirty little runt,
he sucked it and fucked it,
and called it a cunt.

Support Condom Week

-- list of possible slogans promoting national condom week

1. Cover your stump before u hump
2. Before u attack her, wrap your whacker
3. Don't be silly, protect your willy
4. When in doubt, shroud your spout
5. Don't be a loner, cover your boner
6. You cant go wrong if u shield your dong
7. If you're not goin to sack it, go home and whack it.
8. If u think she's spunky cover your monkey
9. If u slip between her thighs, be sure to condomize
10. It will be sweeter if u wrap your peter
11. She wont get sick if u wrap your dick
12. If u go in to heat, package your meat
13. While your undressing Venus, dress up your penis
14. When u take off her pants and blouse, slip up your trouser mouse
15. Especially in december, gift wrap your member
16. Never, never deck her with an unwrapped pecker
17. Dont be a fool, vulcanize your tool
18. The right selection will protect your erection
19. Wrap it in foil before checking her oil
20. A crank with armor will never harm her
21. No glove, no love!

Top Ten Reasons Why Trick Or Treating Is Better Than Sex

10) You are guaranteed to get at least a little something in the sack.
9) If you get tired, you can wait 10 minutes and go at it again.
8) The uglier you look, the easier it is to get some.
7) You don't have to compliment the person who gives you some.
6) It's O.K. when the person you're with fantasizes you're someone else, because you are.
5) Forty years from now you'll still enjoy candy.
4) If you don't like what you get, you can always go next door.
3) It doesn't matter if the kids hear you moaning and groaning.
2) Less guilt the morning after.
1) YOU CAN DO THE WHOLE NEIGHBORHOOD.

It's your first time. As you lie back your muscles tighten. You put him off for awhile searching for an excuse, but he refuses to be swayed as he approaches you. He asks if you're afraid and you shake your head bravely. He has had more experience, but it's the first time his finger has found the right place. He probes deeply and you shiver; your body tenses; but he's gentle like he promised he'd be. He looks deeply within your eyes and tells you to trust him-- he's done this many times before. His cool smile relaxes you and you open wider to give him more room for an easy entrance. You begin to plead and beg him to hurry, but he slowly takes his time, wanting to cause you as little pain as possible. As he presses closer, going deeper, you feel the tissue give way; pain surges throughout your body and you feel the slight trickle of blood as he continues. He looks at you concerned and asks you if it's too painful. Your eyes are filled with tears but you shake your head and nod for him to go on. He begins moving in and out with skill but you are now too numb to feel him within you. After a few frenzied moments, you feel something bursting within you and he pulls it out of you, you lay panting, glad to have it over. He looks at you and smiling warmly, tells you, with a chuckle; that you have been his most stubborn yet most rewarding experience. You smile and thank your dentist. After all, it was your first time to have a tooth pulled.

Naughty, Naughty! What were you thinking!?! PERVERT I know what you were thinking!

Top Twenty Reasons Why Chocolate Is Better Than Sex:

1) You can GET chocolate.
2) "If you love me you'll swallow that" has real meaning with chocolate.
3) Chocolate satisfies even when it has gone soft.
4) You can safely have chocolate while you are driving.
5) You can make chocolate last as long as you want it to.
6) You can have chocolate even in front of your mother.
7) If you bite the nuts too hard the chocolate won't mind
8) Two people of the same sex can have chocolate without being called nasty names.
9) The word "commitment" doesn't scare off chocolate.
10) You can have chocolate on top of your workbench/desk during working hours without upsetting your co-workers.
11) You can ask a stranger for chocolate without getting your face slapped.
12) You don't get hairs in your mouth with chocolate.
13) With chocolate there's no need to fake it.
14) Chocolate doesn't make you pregnant.
15) You can have chocolate at anytime of the month.
16) Good chocolate is easy to find.
17) You can have as many kinds of chocolate as you can handle.
18) You are never too young or too old for chocolate.
19) When you have chocolate it does not keep your neighbors awake.
20) With chocolate size doesn't matter. Don't forget to sign my GuestBook and Join my Mailing List!