It's November, and I know you’ve missed me, and I’ve missed you. And I had a lot of this written two months ago but only now have I found the time to finish it. Give me a break! I’m failing Calculus, my *deleted* [any subject, but one in particular] teacher is being a complete ass, I had to do college apps, which I probably only managed to explain why I SHOULDN’T go to [place prestigious college here]. I, quite frankly, hate life right now. It’s fairly frivolous. Okay, yeah, I know. You don’t care about my philosophy on life...so read and enjoy. And if this doesn't make sense...you're old enough to make it make sense.
Differentiating Puckbunnies and HockeyWhores
I have a confession to make.
For someone who is part of this tongue-in-check site, I am guilty of looking like a real puckbunny. Why not? I consider myself a puckbunny. Do you gasp in shock?
I’m writing this because a). I’m too angry at my quarter grades to make a concerted effort to raise them for the semester and b). I really do want to help you guys out with the eternal “What is a puckbunny?” question.
Despite the fact that it may seem that I “dress up” for games, I really don’t. If you knew me, I always dress like that. But I can’t expect people to know that, so I can excuse some initial hostility towards me. ‘Some’ and ‘initial’ being the optimum words in that last sentence.
During a game, I had the epiphany that, solely derived from judgement on appearance, it is quite likely that someone would scorn my presence at a game, mistaking me for a hockey whore. Usually their opinions are grudgingly changed after the game starts and I begin to shout obscenities with little regard to my surroundings or inform people of stats/scounting reports/players they don’t know. But it was after my personal realization that I began to re-evaluate the way I viewed other girls in their teens or early 20s who attended hockey games, thinking that maybe I judged them to hastily. I know what it’s like to be written off by a 35-year-old fat man sitting behind you who thinks he’s more “hardcore” than you because you’re a 17-year-old chick. (But I’m not arguing about my hardcoreness, that can be another rant.) So I would hate to be more of a hypocrite than I already am. However, after a few games of observing the girls in question, I decided that they deserved my contempt, since I’d be very surprised if they could distinguish between a slap shot and a wrist shot.
How did I come to these conclusions? Below are the reasons, along with examples and definitions of a puckbunny and a hockey whore, and you’ll understand why I unabashedly consider myself a puckbunny and you’ll know exactly which girls are hockey whores.
A Puckbunny…
…shows up 40 minutes before a game because she has to leave superearly to beat the traffic on the hour-long drive to the rink. She stays for the entire game, obsessively informing new fans around them about the players and their skills, the happenings of the previous game, and those in the game before that one, and then the game before that…essentially highlighting the entire season.
A Hockey Whore...
...shows up after the 2nd intermission, only to leave to “get some food.” She watches the third period, feigning semi-interest and cheering for only those players who are acceptably hot. That, or they’ll leave after the second period only after arriving 15 minutes into the first.
A Puckbunny...
visibly has fun at games. Her verbal expression of opinions and support for the team, their “hockey knowledge” and singing to all the songs are examples of having visible fun. (singing to all the songs is optional, but it’s something that we do. Frighteningly often.)
A Hockey Whore...
...is bored throughout the game, and provides weak support for the team. Their only audible approval is for players that are hot, as stated above.
A Puckbunny...
...recognizes an amazing display of hand-to-hand combat on the ice when she sees one, and makes no discrimination based on appearance in her enthusiasm and cheering for the player, even when that player has expressed unreasonable dislike towards them.
A Hockey Whore...
says something like this after a kickass fight when “our” player beat the shit out of the other: “How can they cheer for him? He’s so ugly.” (I cringed an had I not be ecstatic with the fight, I might’ve slapped them. I should’ve.)
A Puckbunny...
...appreciates the attractiveness of certain players, but also appreciates the quality of the player through analysis of his talent, leadership, attitude, and overall niceness. We can’t deny that we find certain players physically irresistible, but that will never determine our understanding of the quality of the player overall.
A Hockey Whore...
...bases her hockey knowledge on “#21 is hot!” Reeeeaaaaal intelligence here.
There’s more, but I’m lazy and have Spanish frases para escribir. Tengo malas notas en la clase de AP Espanol, y no se porque. Pues…que vas a hacer? Anyway, we need to rid the world of hockey whores. There will be more in-depth descriptions coming soon, hopefully. Oh! And look forward to my University of Michigan essay, which I shall put up on the internet in a month or so.
buhbyes from a place that’s worse than hell and far less fire-filled,
buttercupbunnie
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