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OK so I'm really a kid. My name is Lochlainn. Everyone outside of daycare just calls me Loch. I guess it's quicker for Mommy to say when I'm into something I'm not supposed to be. Sometimes, when I'm in a really foul mood, they call me Miserable Toad. Of course, anyone can be a miserable toad when their milkie is not delivered on time. (like five minutes ago!) Sometimes I'm known as Turd Bomb. But I'm really trying to get the hang of this "potty" thing. It looks interesting enough.

My mommy tells me I was born May 11, 1999. Actually she says, "I carried you nine months while subsisting on green beans and vanilla ice cream and vomiting all the while. Then I labored for 14 hours and finally squeezed you out. And since that fateful day, I have been a frazzled human being. One day in the distant future, maybe you'll appreciate me for all of that." I wonder what she means by that?

So you say you want to know more about me? Well, my hobbies include, but are not limited to:

• Growing hair.
• Eating and pooping - I am excellent at these two.
• Pulling Chibba's tail and "petting" her. I also like to give her kisses, which makes Daddy really nervous.
• Yelling and squealing.
• My own special version of Shiatsu massage. I specialize in the head, back and stomach; basically anywhere that hurts. I'm always looking for victims... I mean "clients".
• Headstands. But not so much anymore. I've moved on to other gymnastic endeavors, like climbing furniture.
• Oof oofing. (See Mommy's Journal.) If it moves on four legs, it's a DOGGIE!
• Pitching a fit in your local Kroger or Target. Heck, why am I limiting myself to those two?
• Crotch Grabbing. But only my own, so calm down.
• Merchandise Grabbing. Let's see, now how many bottles of shampoo can I grab or at least knock over?
• Mouse Jerking. I'm pretty good at Keyboard Jerking as well.
• Leaf and ivy herding. Mommy loves it when I "help".

Here's a list of my LIKES:

• Radiskull & Devildoll.
• CheeseIts, loaf bread & raisins.
• Refried beans with extra coriander!
• Pickles.
• Tomatoes and anything with them in it! Yum!!!
• Chibba. Well actually this is a love/hate sort of thing.
• Baths.
• DOGGIES! Oof oof.
• Milkie.

Some of my DISLIKES:

• Waiting. Period.
• Ouchies.
• Having my face wiped. Who needs it?
• Sauerkraut.
• The circular saw at Home Depot.
• Elevators. Scary stuff, man.
• Having my hair washed. I really don't have much, so why bother at all?
• Timeout.

page last updated 2.28.2001