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ST. PETER AND HIS HMO
Two doctors and an HMO manager died and lined up at the
pearly gates for admission to heaven.
St. Peter asked them to identify themselves.
One doctor stepped forward and said, "I was a
pediatric orthopedic surgeon and helped correct
deformities in children."
St. Peter said, "You may enter."
 The
second doctor said, "I was a psychiatrist. I
helped people rehabilitate themselves."
St. Peter also invited him in.
The third applicant stepped forward and said, "I
was an HMO manager. I helped people get cost-effective
health care."
St. Peter said, "You can come in too."
As the HMO manager walked by, St. Peter added,
"You can only stay three days. After that, you can
go to hell."
Marriage Made In Heaven
On their way to get married, a young couple are
involved in a fatal car accident. The couple find
themselves sitting outside the Pearly Gates waiting for
St. Peter to process them into Heaven while waiting,
they begin to wonder: Could they possibly get married
in Heaven?
When St. Peter shows up, they asked him. St. Peter
says, "I don't know. This is the first time anyone
has asked. Let me go find out," and he leaves.
The couple sat and waited for an answer . . . for a
couple of months.
While they waited, they discussed that IF they were
allowed to get married in Heaven, SHOULD they get
married, what with the eternal aspect of it all?
"What if it doesn't work?" they wondered,
"Are we stuck together FOREVER?"
After yet another month, St. Peter finally returns,
looking somewhat bedraggled. "Yes," he
informs the couple, "you CAN get married in
Heaven."
"Great!" said the couple, "But we were
just wondering, what if things don't work out? Could we
also get a divorce in Heaven?
St. Peter, red-faced with anger, slams his clipboard
onto the ground.
"What's wrong?" asked the frightened couple.
"OH, COME ON!" St. Peter shouts, "It
took me three months to find a priest up here! Do you
have ANY idea how long it'll take me to find a
lawyer?!"
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Gods Computer
Two priests died at the same time and met Saint Peter at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter said, "I'd like to get you guys in now, but our computer's down.
You'll have to go back to Earth for about a week, but you can't go back as priests. What'll it be?"
The first priest says, "I've always wanted to be an eagle, soaring above the Rocky Mountains."
"So be it," says St. Peter, and off flies the first priest.
The second priest mulls this over for a moment and asks, "Will any of this week 'count', St. Peter?"
"No, I told you the computer's down. There's no way we can keep track of what you're doing."
"In that case," says the second priest, "I've always wanted to be a stud."
"So be it" says St. Peter, and the second priest disappears.
A week goes by, the computer is fixed, and the Lord tells St. Peter to recall the two priests.
"Will you have any trouble locating them?" He asks.
"The first one should be easy," says St. Peter. "He's somewhere over the Rockies, flying with the eagles.
But the second one could prove to be more difficult."
"Why?" asked the Lord.
"He's on a snow tire, somewhere in Upper Michigan.
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