The Pope
After getting all Pope John Paul's luggage loaded in the limo, the driver notices that the Pope is still standing on the curb.
"Excuse me, Your Eminence," says the driver, Would you please take your seat so we can leave."
"Well, to tell you the truth," says the Pope, "they never let me drive at the Vatican, and I'd really like to drive today."
"I'm sorry but I cannot let you do that. I'd lose my job! And what if something should happen?" protests the driver.
"There might be something extra in it for you," says the Pope.
Reluctantly, the driver gets in the back as the Pope climbs in behind the wheel.
The driver quickly regrets his decision when, after exiting the airport, the Supreme Pontiff floors it, zipping the limo to 105 mph.
"Please slow down, Your Holiness!" pleads the worried driver, but the Pope keeps the pedal to the metal until they hear the sirens.
"Oh wonderful. Now I'm going to lose my license." moans the driver.
The Pope pulls over and rolls down the window as the patrolman approaches, but the cop takes one look at him, goes back to his motorcycle, and gets on the radio.
"I need to talk to the chief." He says to the dispatcher.
The chief gets on the radio and the cop tells him that he's stopped a limo doing 105. "So bust him." said the chief.
"I don't think we want to do that-he's really important," said the cop.
"All the more reason." said the chief.
"No, I mean really important," said the cop.
"What'd ya got there, the Mayor?"
"Bigger."
"The Governor?"
"Bigger."
"Well", said the chief, "Who is it?"
"I think it's God!"
"What makes you think it's God?"
"Well, He's got the Pope driving for Him!"
Vow of Silence
A man joined the priesthood. The order he joined could
not speak for seven years. Then they could only
say 2 words.
After the first seven years passed, he went into a
small room where he was given the chance to say his two
words to the leadership of the order.
He was given extra blankets.
The next seven years passed and the leadership took
him back into the small room and his 2 words were
"Bad food."
The kitchen changed the menu for him.
When the next seven years had passed they took him back
into the small room, and his 2 words were "I
quit".
"Fine!" exclaimed the leaders, "All you
have done since you got here is complain anyway."
Two Priests are in a Vatican bathroom using the
urinals.
One of them looks at the other one's penis and notices
there's a Nicoderm patch on it.
He turns to the other Priest and says, "I believe
you're supposed to put that patch on your arm or
shoulder, not your penis."
The other one replies, "It's working just fine.
I'm down to 2 butts a day."
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