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Sheep Farmer
Farmer John was a sheep farmer. He raised sheep all over his property. One day, a beautiful young brunette came up and asked him, "Farmer John, if I can tell exactly how many sheep you have in your fields, can I have a lamb to take home and raise myself?" Farmer John agreed, knowing wholeheartedly that he had way too many to guess accurately.
The beautiful, young brunette told him that he had 376 sheep in his field. Farmer John was beside himself. Being a man of his word, he told her to go and pick out the one she wanted and bring it back to him so he could un-tag the ear.
For about an hour, the brunette was out in the field. Finally she returned with her choice. Farmer John looked at her and asked, "Now can I ask you a question?" The brunette complied. Farmer John asked, "If I can tell you what color your hair was before you dyed it, can I please have my dog back?"
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Painting Contractor
A painting contractor was speaking to a woman about a job. She said that she wanted the first room a pale blue. He wrote it down, went to the window, opened it, and yelled "GREEN SIDE UP!"
They walked into the second room and she said that she wanted it a soft yellow color. He wrote that down, went to the window, opened it, and yelled "GREEN SIDE UP!" The woman was curious, but didn't say anything.
They walked into the third room, and she said that she wanted a warm rose color. The painter wrote that down, went to the window, opened it, and yelled "GREEN SIDE UP!" Finally the woman asked, "Why do you keep yelling that out the window?"
"I'm sorry," he replied, "but I have a crew of blondes laying sod across the street."
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Shoe Store
This brunette walked into this shoe store for blondes and she noticed that TGIF was on all the shoes. She walked up to the sales clerk and said, "Gee, blondes must really like Fridays!" The clerk said, "Why do you say that?" The brunette said, "Because TGIF is on all the shoes!" The clerk said, "Nope, that stands for ‘TOES GO IN FIRST!!!'"
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Trapped on an Island
There were three people trapped on an island: a blonde, a brunette, and a redhead. The redhead looked across the water and estimated the distance to be about 20 miles, so she announced that she was going to try to swim across. She swam 5 miles and got tired. She swam 5 more miles before she got tired and drowned.
The brunette thought to herself, "I wonder if I can make it." Out loud, she said, "I guess it's better than staying here to starve." So she tried to swim out. She had more endurance than the redhead, and swam 10 miles before she even began to get tired. She swam 5 more miles before she drowned.
The blonde said, "I wonder if I can make it? I guess I'd better try." So she swam 5, 10, 15, 19 miles!" Just 1 mile from shore, she said, "I'm just too tired!" So she turned around and swam back to the island.
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Thermos
A blonde goes to a company party and wins a thermos for the door prize. She asks her co-worker, "What's a thermos?"
He says, "It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold."
"Oh!" The next day at work, she brings it with her. Her boss, who is also a blonde, says, "What's that?"
The blonde says, "It's a thermos." Her boss asks her, "What's that?"
She says, "It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold." Her boss asks, "What do you have in it?"
The blonde says, "Iced tea and chicken noodle soup."
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