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Click Below for a Printable Version of a Joke: |
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11:00 News
A blonde and a brunette were sitting at a bar and watching the 11:00 news. A man is standing on the ledge of a high-rise building, contemplating suicide.
The brunette says to the blonde: "I'll bet you $20 that the man jumps off that building and commits suicide." The blonde thinks for a moment, then replies: "OK, you're on!"
They watch the news for a few minutes and sure enough, the man jumps off the ledge. The blonde sighs and reaches for her wallet, but the brunette stops her, saying: "I can't take your money - I feel too guilty. I have to confess that I watched the 6:00 news this evening and I new that the man would jump."
The blonde replied: "Oh! I watched the 6:00 news too, but I didn't think he'd jump off again!"
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House Fire
There was a fire at the blonde's house and she decided to call 911. So she calls 911 all upset and crying "You have to come over and help me; my house is on fire!" The fireman says, "Okay, lady, calm down. How do we get there?" The blonde says, "DUH?? The BIG RED TRUCK."
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Crossing a River
A blonde was walking on the opposite side of a river from a brunette. The brunette yelled across to the blonde, "Hey, how do I get to the other side?" The blonde hesitates, looks back and replies, "You ARE on the other side!"
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The Execution
There were three blondes: Mandy, the smartest; Megan, semi-smart; and Jackie, who was really dumb. They were spies. They were in Russia when they got caught. At Mandy's execution, they said, "Any last words?" So she said, "Tornado! Tornado!" The soldiers left and Mandy went home.
On Megan's execution day, they said the same thing and she said, "Hurricane! Hurricane!" Megan ran away and joined Mandy back home.
On Jackie's execution day, they also said the same thing and she answered, "Fire! Fire!" So they fired and killed her!
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Check My Blinker
There were a blonde and a brunette driving and the brunette says to the blonde, "Go check my blinker."
"Does it work?"
Blonde:
"Yes"
"No"
"Yes"
"No"
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The Game
A lawyer and a blonde are sitting next to each other on a long flight from LA to NY. The lawyer leans over and asks the blonde if she would like to play a fun game. The blonde just wants to take a nap, so she politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks.
The lawyer persists and explains that the game is really easy and a lot of fun. He explains, "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5 and visa-versa." Again, she politely declines and tries to get some sleep. The lawyer, now somewhat agitated, says, "Okay, if you don't know the answer you pay me $5, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $50!" figuring that since she is a blonde that he will easily win the match. This catches the blonde's attention and, figuring that there will be no end to this torment unless she plays, agrees to the game.
The lawyer asks the first question. "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?" The blonde doesn't say a word, reaches in her purse, and pulls out a five-dollar bill and hands it to the lawyer.
Now it's the blonde's turn. She asks the lawyer: "What goes up a hill with three legs, and comes down with four?" The lawyer looks at her with a puzzled look. He tries and tries to think of an answer, but to no avail. Finally, he reaches into his wallet and hands the blonde $50. The blonde politely takes the money and turns away to get back to sleep. The lawyer, who is more than a little miffed, wakes the blonde and asks, "Well, so what IS the answer!?" Without a word, the blonde reaches into her purse, hands the lawyer $5, and goes back to sleep.
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Designed by Justin Jones
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