Sam Beals

1. After pulling Tom Bratt out of the crowd to sing Rainy Day Women #12 & 35 with him at his concert at Calvin, Bob Dylan asks Bratt if he will make a cameo appearance on his new album entitled "You don't need a joint to tell which way the wind blows." Bratt accepts the invitation and asks Jeff Cox to play the accordion.
2. While studying for his next biology test, Jason Courter gets a call from Jive Records asking him to open for the Backstreet Boys on their sold out Millennium Tour. They ask him to perform "You've lost that lovin feelin" by Righteous Brothers, "Running Down a Dream" by Tom Petty, and "Kiss Me" by Sixpence None the Richer. Jason drops out of Taylor and quickly joins "The Boys" on tour. While on tour, he releases an album called "Jason Courter sings the hits" and it breaks all records by selling 3,850,000 copies its first week in the stores. Fueled by the pre-teen girl hysteria, Backstreet Boys become the opening act for "Jason Courter and Friends" during the remaining leg of the tour. Jason Courter ends up making an unprecedented $341.6 million dollars his first year in the entertainment biz. Somehow he manages to make a small donation to the Baptist High School building fund.
3. Aaron Konopka comes to Calvin for interim and meets the woman of his dreams.
4. Matt Zainea is asked to intervene in the Russia-Chechnya conflict. After hours behind closed doors, Chechen and Russian leaders emerge smiling as Boris Yeltsin announces that all is well. He thanks Zainea for his help and declares that they are changing the name of Moscow to "Z."
5. Brad Graham wins a $2500 scholarship for his interpretive dance of Tchaikovsky's "The Nutcracker."
6. Erik Douglas wins a spot on "Who wants to be a Millionaire." Unfortunately, he stumbles on the Million Dollar Question failing to remember how to perform a Fourier Transform on a square wave. Doesn't everyone know that?
7. Michael Jordan joins the Griffins boosting lagging attendance at the Van Andel Arena.
8. While flying to Detroit for the first Tiger game at Comerica Park, Jeff Donehoo is taken hostage by Pakistani Islamic Rebels. He was last seen eating Doritos and having coffee with Fidel Castro in Calcutta.
9. Lions win Superbowl, Tigers win World Series, Red Wings win Stanley Cup, Pistons win it all, and World economy collapses.
10. Something strange happens in Jerusalem

Rob Bennett

1. Tweenty years after he assasinated John Lennon, Mark David Chapman is interviewed by Jerry Springer for 60 minutes. In the interview, he reveals that he was really aiming at Yoko Ono, but was using an Italian handgun (they are only accurate up to ten inches). He is immediately relased and becomes America;s greatest folk hero since that little cartoon midget from the Keebler commercials.
2. Presidential wannabe Pat Buchanan withdraws his hat from the ring in disgrace after it is revealed that he got drunk at a KKK rally and tried to deflower Mary-Kate and Ashly Olson on Pay-per-view.
3. Kent State beats Taylor in the NCAA Basketball Champisonship March 31, 2000. Taylor forward Aaron Konpka sets s new NCAA record by fouling out of the game in the first ten minutes. He keeps making the slashing motion across his neck with his thumb. In the riot that follows the game, four Kent State students are shot dead by the Illinois National guard.
4. Making the team as a walk-on, Quarterback Brad Graham leads the Michigan Wolerines to an unimpressive 0-10 season. Becomes first quarterback in collegiate to give up ten safeties in one game in the now infamous Taco Bell "Drop the Cahlupa Bowl!" Bowl. After the game Graham says; "My offensive line is gay!"
5. Former Dodger great Steve Garvey claims that he has one more illigitamate child. A certain Jeff Donehoo from Rockford, Michigan. Distraught and unenamored with Baseball, Donehoo becomes an avid WNBA fan.
6. After barley making the playoffs and losing the NFC Championship Game to the Washington Redskins, Green Bay Packers head coach Ray Rhodes resigns his position station that "...there's too many white people in Wisconsin" New head coach Rich Kotite leads the Packers to 5 consecutive Super Bowl.
7. Matt Shillim starts selling Amway. His co-workers stone him to death.
8. John Vredevelt spills hot coffee on his lap at a Starbuck's Coffee House. In the trial which follows Vredevelt reveals on the witness stand that "my dick don't work no more!" The sympathetic jury, made if twelve women, award him a record sum. He becomes richer than Bill Gates. After succesfully engineering a leveraged buy out for Quality Edge, Vredevelt backs out of the deal once he realizes that the cost of buying the company will cut into his porn allowance. Three weeks later he loses his fortune due to a sexual harrasment suit brought by Team Trailer Park.
9. In a landslide victory, Donald Trump becomes President of the United States. He attributes his victory to his running mate, Pokemon. Also, his appearance on South Park and his hit rap single, "I's jes a media 'ho!"
10. Rob Bennet starts a new business venture, the new learn-at-home education software "Hooked on Ebonics." His earning in the first week alone exceed the amount in the GOP's slush fund. After two weeks he buys OPEC and lowers the price of gas to $.65 per gallon. Before the end of the year he has dissolved both the ACLU and the AFL-CIO. A new golden age begins for America. Sadly Bennett is assasinated by former Facts of Life star Kim "Tooty" Fields on December 31, 2000.