Jennifer Stapf

1. Jennifer Elizabeth Stapf turns 21. Nuff said.
2. Our nation will finally be led under its new President, George W....where the White House interns will really learn what Bush means...
3. Michelle Hess's healthy cheerful attitude starts to turn sour. She smiles less, laughs quieter, and her daily saying of "A Great Attitude makes a great day!" turns into "Oh go find a website."
4. Everyone's prediction comes true in 2001 and Northwestern finally drops out of the Big 10 conference...only to replace the Detroit Lions in the NFC Central! The lethal combination of Zak Kustok and Damien Anderson lead the WildCats to their first ever SuperBowl appearance.
5. Since they graduated 8 seniors, the Northwestern Women's water polo team has a slow start. Eventually they build up their endurance and skills to become a force. After winning the Big 10 in the oddly yellow colored acidic smelling Ohio State pool, they will go on to Nationals in May.
6. Jeff will find his new love: a brunette fudgepacker from Mackinac City.
7. Eric Stapf not only gets his license immediately on his 16th birthday, he also decides to become an Abercrombie model. This was he can get all the free clothes he wants and a lifetime supply of "Woods" cologne...5 sprays was just never enough, was it Eric??
8. The Stapf family cat, Clifford Roadkill (aka FATASS) becomes the largest feline in history at the weight of 83 lbs. Scientists wonder if the weight gain is attributed to emotional trauma. Memories can be dipicted of times with family and friends, when FatAss would lovingly jump on Jeff's lap and all he would yell was "BAD PUSSY!"
9. Katie "MGD" Miller and Dinty finally realize the hidden chemistry they have for one another, drop out of college, and join the cast of MTV's Undressed.
10. Jenny will NOT break any bones or get into any car accidents in 2001 (I MEAN IT THIS TIME). Jenny will prepare to leave in July for 6 months abroad in Brisbane, Australia. There she will study international business and find the man of her dreams: a tall blonde rich Aussie named Mick. After consuming massive amounts of veggimite and nutella with him, she will return to become a Juggy on the Man Show.

Matt Skavnak

1. Scientists will preform the first brain transplant operation at the University of Michigan hospital. Jeff Donehoo (a moron) will recieve an upgrade by receiving the brain of Brain Ellerbe who had resently died of causes related to symptoms doctors described as "poor coaching and bad recruiting".
2. After failing to make the playoffs in 2000, the Lions storm back to make the Super Bowl in New Orleans under Coach Gary Moeller. Although the Lions lose 45-4 to the Tennesee Titans, Moeller is not disappointed, saying, "Trading for Elvis Grbac and moving Desmond Howard to wide receiver were the smartest moves I've ever made! We hope to win the Super Bowl next year, but we have to improve our team, maybe by trading for Tyrone Wheatley!" After the game, Moeller is arrested at a local bar where after heavy drinking, he threw Mike Ditka threw a window and tried to hump a fire hydrant.
3. GVSU Water Polo wins the Midwest Conference Championship, prompting Coach Matt Skavnak to tell his guys that, quote "you guys suck, anyone can win the Midwest". Says Matt Kendall of the motivational style of his coach, "I'd kill for him, but sometimes I think that I need to kill him too." Kendall is later seen streaking across GVSU's campus yelling "WE are the champions!"
4. George W. Bush names Al Gore as Ambassador to China and tells him to be careful what he eats over there. Says Bush, "I told him, my Dad didn't think the food was that good, so be careful." Al just nods and says "Okay". Standard Answer for Al.
5. The Milwaukee Brewers open their new season at Miller Park with a victory. They go on to a last place finish in the National League under the leadership of Davey Lopes, and the hitting of Richie Sexton who hits .333 with 64 home runs and 70 RBIs. Says Sexton, "It'd be nice if the rest of the team could get on base."
6. On June 24th, Jeff Donehoo, along with Matt Skavnak and friends attend a Tiger's Game in Detroit. Jeff gets extremely drunk and shouts obscenities at Left fielder Juan Gonzualez (who resigns b/c no one else wants him). Jeff is so enraged that Juan will not acknowledge his heckling that he races onto the field and pulls Juan's pants down. It takes 5 security guards and Mickey Tettleton to wrestle Jeff to the ground. Says Matt Kendall, "It was ugly. I would have broken Juan's neck, but Skav didn't say to, so I just sipped a beer." Says Skav, "I haven't seen Donehoo move that fast since he slapped Jessica on the ass!"
7. GVSU names water polo the newest varsity sport. Unfortunately, ever player is dismissed from the team by Coach Matt Skavnak and replaced with California players. Says Skavnak, "I told them they sucked, I think some of them thought I was kidding, but I don't think they think that anymore." Later, Skavnak is found tarred and feathered next to the Kirkoff Center.
8. Jeff Donehoo coaches against his mentor, Matt Skavnak in a game of water polo. Donehoo loses his cool and attempt to punch out Skavnak after the game when it is revealed that he told his players about Jeff's "little" problem. Of course, Skavnak asks to see Jeff's hand and Jeff does and ends up with a trip into the pool and a broken wrist. Not to mention his team lost 16-7
9. Matt Skavnak's ego grows to a size too large to control and his head explodes killing Jeff Donehoo and Josh Ahrendt, Pat Lowman was quoted as saying, "Good, now I'm the coach, you all suck!" A monster is created.
10. James Wagner and Bill Wimstat decide to climb Mt. Everest. Near the summit, James realizes that he needs to call his girlfriend and while trying to get a connection, slips and falls. Both men are trapped under the avalanche that James triggered when Bill sees the ghost of Jeff Donehoo. Bill swears Jeff says, "You will go to the Grandville System. There you will learn from Skav, the Jedi Master who instructed me...."

Scott Storey

1. After doing play-by-play locally, I get discovered by ESPN and move to Connecticut. "Hey it could happen."
2. Yankees win yet another World Series, the Commissioner of Baseball decides to put a salary cap on just the Yankees. Finally the Tigers might have a chance.
3. Rockford wins a state championship in football as well as in water polo. Sadly this is last of Rockford championship because the High School soon will spilt.
4. Michigan Wolverines have a great football season but fail once again to play for a National Championship. Sad but true.
5. I finally win the Turkey Bowl Championship after 6 years of waiting and always doing well in divisional play but failing to do anything in the playoffs.
6. It will be a hot summer so I can enjoy lots of hot girls and beach volley ball.
7. The band Quietwiser signs a big record deal with a major Christian record company, they become and instant success story.
8. David Blain(?) after being frozen in Ice decide to try going over Niagara in a barrel and once again he amazes us all by surviving yet another impossible feat.
9. Tiger Woods will also amazes us with his unbelievable golfing gift. Tiger wins at least 10 tournament this year.
10. After winning the NAIA title in 2000, the Cornerstone basketball team defends its title for the first time in school history.