Autumn Murray

1. Y2K--what's that? The world continue as we know it!
2. Yankees--3 Peat Baby!
3. Pokemon, pokemon, pokemon--in my dreams a big bomb will blow it up, but, probably not. Kids will still try and kill each other for trading cards. There's no end in sight.
4. I will start school!
5. Jeff will have a date!
6. Castro will be killed by angry mobs.
7. Janelle and John will tie the knot and her bride maids dresses will be cute!
8. I will go to Arnies!
9. Lakers--it's their year!
10. I will go to Vegas and meet Elvis!

Dinty Musk

1. With massive power outages and general computer failures resulting from the Y2K mass-hysteria and hidden computer virii, the "What Would Jesus Do?" franchise of Christian accessories will be taken over by loyalist Cuban nationals and forced to market the Red equivalents: "What would Mao do?" "What would Karl (Marx) do?" "What would Fidel do?" and strangely enough, "What would Clinton do?" In addition, the rumors of a possible Japanese takeover of a section of the United States will be true not by land, but by institution. The Japanese have already bought rights to the popular dairy ad slogan, "Got Milk?" Their economy-boosting modification will be, "Got Rice?" The sales of rice internationally will reach new highs, and the U.S. will regress to a dark age of preferences for rice pudding and stir-fry over ice cream, apple pie, and fried chicken. This will be Y2K's most devastating effect, and will bring about the events recorded in the book of Revelation.
2. Bill Bradley will make a successful run for president after nominating Latrell Sprewell as his running mate following a narrow victory in the Democratic primary. Al Gore and P.J. Carlesimo will proceed to purchase air time and go on a raving T.V. tangent, displaying Ross Perot/Steve Forbes/Donald Trump-like diagrams of Sprewell choking various foreign dignitaries as a grandiose warning to the general populace regarding the effects of their decision to put into office the indelible combination of Rhodes Scholar and thug as president and as president pro-tempore. The first economic recession of their term will be blamed soely on George W. Bush's crack-cocaine habit.
3. N.A.S.A. will unwittingly provoke the slaughter of countless millions of human beings and domesticated animals when the two billion dollar space probe they launch (on a mission to discern if the Sun is habitable) collides with an extra-terrestrial spacecraft en route to vacation days in Alpha Centauri. The martians will ultimately be defeated in a less embarrassing mistake by Southern Baptists who actually believe they are slaying the Eurodisney variants of Mickey Mouse, Pluto, Donald Duck, and the drunk heathen pirate from the "Pirates of the Carribean" ride. Yo ho! Yo ho! A pirate's life for me!
4. The Backstreet Boys will perish as a result of a tragic overdose of Abercrombie and Fitch's popular "Woods" cologne. An anthology album will quickly hit shelves to platinum-platinum sales. Interestingly, it will > feature exactly the same tracks as the current album, "Millenium."
5. Subway Sandwich Corporation, in response to slumping sales worldwide, will introduce a new meter-long personal sub sandwich for "larger appetites." After consuming a baker's dozen of these sandwiches along with a case of potato chips and a one-bite dessert of the Taco Bell chihuahua (barbequed rotisserie style), Jon "Tiny" Donehoo will be revered as a folk hero throughout greater Polynesia. He will go on to barely best =Yokozuna in an exhibition farting contest.
6. The Taylor University Chorale, under the direction of Dr. Joann Rediger, will win the international choral competition to take place this fall in Moscow, Russia. This victory will boost Taylor University's status as an institution of musical education to paralleling that of Julliard, Boston Conservatory, and other top-ranked choral programs. Regrettably, the Chorale will then disband amid evidence that a member of the tenor > section shaved microtones off of routine pitches to sabotage a chapel > performance of a Fred Bock piece.
7. Nick Goad and Kelly Tondu will exchange nuptial vows, becoming Nick Goad and Kelly Tondu-Goad, and prompting questions as to what exactly a Tondu-Goad is. Budding scientist Dinty Joe Musk Jr. will use the nomer to complete the binomial nomenclature of his first discovered species: a small and pestilent insect similar to a crab louse that promotes shedding and in extreme cases mange in marsupials already plagued by albinism.
8. The New York Yankees will win in 7 grueling games the first "subway > series" of recent history between the storied Yankee and Met franchises. Nolan Ryan will come out of retirement at age 57 to pitch for the troubled Mets' bullpen. In true Satchell Paige fashion, he will go on to pitch 35 no-hit innings before losing not to Yankee hitting, but to new social security requirements for senior citizen status. George Steinbrenner and he will retire to a N.Y. bar for a friendly brewski after the Mets' losing effort and be followed by reporters anxious for a story about Pete Rose, who, as rumored, will place bets on who downs the most booze. Ryan will proceed to continue his endless plugging of Advil for not only those tough aches and pains, but for post-hangover syndrome as well.
9. In historical news, letters will be found linking Emily Dickenson directly to the roots of my own family tree. I will be institutionalized after a completely rational attempt at suicide in protest to the new information about my genetic makeup. My release from the insane asylum will be predicated upon my reading daily doses of my distant great-great-great aunt twice-removed's poetry. This will, in fact, cause my actual insanity and subsequent defamation and criticism of all the poets I formerly held in high regard. I will laugh at Shakesperian sonnetry, scorn Byron's childish love ramblings, and begin to sing Sylvia Plath and Gertrude Stein lyrics incessantly until my death at the hands of my once-loyal roommate Andrew D. MacPhail....... Amen.
10. Kent Thompson will revolutionize 21st century music with the revolutionary masterwork, "Mass without Key or Mode." The piece will become a smash hit in the U.S. and abroad after being premiered by the transient terminal members of the Taylor University Chorale (see prediction 6 above). Alternative clubs will make annoying remixes of the atonal strains therein. Subsequently, he will be contracted to write a Requiem without Key or Mode, to which I will furnish supplementary poetic texts in Latin. The Requiem will come to be known as the Thompson-Musk Requiem after my untimely demise (see prediction 9 above) and will replace Mozart's as the premiere Requiem in all vocal literature. Rumors will abound that a descendent of Sussmayr actually composed the last 12 movements of the Thompson-Musk triumph.