Martin Coaker

1. Jeff (under suspicion) Donehoo will make his love known for his soulmate, thus ending the "single years." He will be happily married and have little "Donehoo's" running around in no time...God help us. Red headed Jeff's.....oh my.
2. Dinty Joe Musk III will write the longest and perhaps most unwarrented New Years predictions of all. Unfortunately a small child in Outer Mongolia dies due to the length of these predictions. Don't ask how, just trust...it could happen.
3. New Years Day 2000, will be a day to remember. If I predict gloom and doom, and nothing happens nobody will let me live it down. Bottom line, its a good time to be alive.
4. Martin Wells Coaker (aka, well lets not go there) will accomplish many things in the new year. He will go to Nationals for the Flight Team and for singles racquetball. He will not place in the top ten for either, but an 11th place finish for the flight team will be good enough. He will finally ( and I do mean finally) get a serious girlfriend, and wont dump her utilizing instant messenger. Much to the disappointment of all his adoring friends. He will also finally get his private pilots license, and will fly Jeff and two others to a Tigers game....and he cant wait.
5. Dave Nagy.......hooking up for good with the lovely engineering chick Erin. God help him for the psychopath ex-boyfriend will always be watching.
6. There will be many hook-ups on our favorite show Sportscenter. Linda Cone and Kenny Mayne will get hitched and have many little Kenny's....they will all say YATZEE...louder then their father. Analyst Sean Salsberry will proceed to kiss the butt of every anchor in an attempt to achieve the greatness that was not bestowed upon him in the NFL. 7) Nick Goad and Kelly Tondu will be happily married during the summer. Dinty Joe Musk IIIIIVXII will usher the event with me. He will be wearing nothing but his smile as he does it. I will be escorting most of the people in, due to this previously stated fact. Everything will to go according to plan, and the honeymoon will consist of a two month getaway at the Bitter End. 8) Dinty Joe Musk XIVXIIIVX will continue to follow the ways of the Poppen. All will finally pay off, due to the fact that the streak was broken on New Years...yes Dint I still hold some hope for you. 9) Joeseph Anthony Forget about it Noto (aka oh God he has a gun, aka is he in the Mob?, aka he has to be in the mob) will be exposed for being in the mob. He will become the new Godfather of the greater Grand Rapids metropolitan area. " This saddens me" will be a common phrase said in a raspy voice. I will be shot for this prediction. 10) In an effort to find the right mix of love, scientists will set out to find a scientific formula that will explain the mating rituals of our species. After a long year of exhaustive work, the solution will be revealed on November 14, 2000. Einstien's theory of schwerve will be E=MC nook. The world will be complete, and this will be the downfall of the Grand Rapids mob.