Jennifer Stapf

1. Y2K will be nothing compared to the dates of January 22 and February 26, 2000. Yes, the unthinkable happens....JENNY'S PARENTS TURN 40!!! THE BIG 4-0. In the effort to deal with Dad's envitable Alzheimer's, Mom will bleach her hair to extreme colors.
2. As the women's collegiate water polo season gets under way, the Northwestern vs. Michigan (aka JENNY VERSUS STEPHIE) scandal will create a huge following. Guys will travel to tournaments all over the Big 10 in efforts to see Jenny and Stephie "fighting." T-Shirts will be made. (damn T-shirts!)
3. Fear is struck in the heart of the Rockford High School Choir Department as another Stapf enters it's ranks. Eric "Pimp" Stapf will start his freshman year off by dating all of the senior girls in the Chorale. The nickname "Rumbler" comes back into play.
4. Spring of 2000, both Jenny and Jeff unanimously agree that school is for gay wads and drop out to start their own morning radio show in Chicago. It becomes a huge success, blowing CD 94.6, Q101, The Mix, 97.9, and B96 off the charts. Consequently, ratings drop when Jen's traffic reports pertain only to the El and the Metra.
5. Kate "MGD" Miller will do fabulously well on her MCATs and in turn, will be accepted to Northwestern University's med school. Kate and Jenny will then take down Chicago by "partying until the cows come home!" (Those of you who know me well should appreciate the pun).
6. The Nerd Herd will continue to boast about their conquests and efforts to find "the one." Alas, to no avail, they will all remain single except for Dinty, who finds a woman that makes Cindy Crawford look doggish. Within five years they are married, and their wedding becomes the social event of the decade. Tiny and Jenny will act as commentators as the wedding is broadcast in over 20 different nations.
7. Michelle Hess will remain at the University of Dayton and she will continue to date every trombone player in the marching band. After three years, she will graduate with a degree in music education, but consequently decide to work on getting her masters and doctorate in chemistry. Within ten years, she receives the Nobel Prize in Chemistry for creating a pill which cures alcoholism.
8. Undergraduate chemists of Northwestern decide to run several tests on the campus water supply as a basic lab experiment. Interestingly enough, they find a drug in the water which eliminates the human nature of competitiveness. This drug, nicknamed "Pocket Protector Syndrome," is somehow linked to the University of Michigan and becomes a huge scandal. After extracting the drug from the campus water supply, NU becomes a huge force in the Big 10, thus beating Michigan in EVERYTHING.
9. Unfortunately for people of Chicago, their beloved Mayor Richard Daley passes away from brain cancer. In the effort to immortalize him, all the major highways of Chicago (the Dan Ryan, the Kennedy, and the Stevenson) are renamed the "Richard Daley." This causes a mass confusion within Chicago and people start calling all streets "da Dick."
10. Jenny will have an awesome year. She will purchase a new car and not break any bones or get in any car accidents. In a few years, she gets married and has a successful job as a talent agent. She has several children, and eventually grand children. At the age of 77, she dies of a heart attack. She will then be cryogenically frozen. In the year of 2357, she is thawed and restored to her youthful beauty and is chosen to lead the northern hemisphere in an effort to bring peace and order to the world. Jenny The Great and her Congress of Redheads are successful and the time is renamed "The Golden Era." Everyone will wear togas, and all men will be put underground for breeding purposes only!!!