Canadiens 4, Blackhawks 2

Overall Record: 2-2-0

Record With Beer: 2-1-0

Record Without Beer: 0-1-0

Record Without Habs Jerseys: 1-0-0

It’s not an exact science, but our record with beer has climbed to .667 while the without beer record stands at .000. Coincidence? Hmmm. Overall, the Canadiens have broke even with an impressive 4-2 victory over the Blackhawks. This team had the nerve to wear the same color jerseys, which brings us to another possible X-factor: The Canadiens are 1-0-0 when they don’t wear the Canadiens jerseys. This brings up yet another interesting proposition made by GM John Postizzi who is in negotiations with a sponsor who has in their possession a collection of handsome looking ‘Aeros’ jerseys. A little history lesson: The Houston Aeros were a WHA team in which Gordie Howe and his son both skated for in the 1973-74 season, yet I digress.

Let us go back to the game at hand. This contest carried some extracurricular activity, including a cheap shot by Rogie Boudreau, resulting in the first penalty in his tumultuous NESHL career. That doesn’t quite explain the uncontrollable tears in the locker room after the game, but it’s a start. J.J. was back in action after missing last week’s contest due to a scheduling conflict. Apparently administering free hand-jobs to homeless people in Chinatown takes priority for some individuals. J.J., looking for redemption this week, netted his first goal of the season while under the influence of marijuana and Roofies that Chris Alexis slipped him before the game to try and get in his pants. Why wouldn’t Alexis just go to Chinatown? Some questions are better left unanswered.

Billy and Vinny, the Canadien’s resident goons were suspended five and one game respectively leaving the enforcer role up to Charlie Diamandis for the October stretch. Looks like were in a bit of trouble here. GM Postizzi had a brilliant plan to have Billy claim he was Chuck Alexis, but this scheme was foiled when Billy confessed to a crush that he has on the 500 pound scorekeeper/fill-in for Grimmace at McDonald’s who could definitely ID him. We all have our twisted fantasies though, right (just usually not with purple creatures from McDonald’s)?

For those of you who read this within the next few days, there will be a schedule section of the website up shortly. This will come in handy, just ask Courtney who found out that on the Monday that he has to get another urinalysis, we have a bye week. Courtney, for some reason I received a copy of the email from the Oakwood Potency Clinic that I assume you were supposed to receive as well. It said something about their machines not being able to process sperm counts as low as yours. Sorry buddy.

This concludes the journal for this week. Until next week…