Canadiens 2, TCI Beavers 4

Overall Record: 0-1-0

Record With Beer: 0-0-0

Record Without Beer: 0-1-0

A shaky start for the Canadiens, as they fall 4-2 to the mighty Beavers. The Canadiens bench were on the referee’s due to some questionable officiating during the game. We clearly out-shot the Beavers, but failed to finish on several occasions, coupled with extraordinary goaltending by the Beavers’ net-minder. My excuse for the game was that I am currently involved in dek hockey playoffs that fall on the same evening as our games. I would have had more energy, however Rogie and Billy decided to show up an hour late to the aforementioned dek hockey game, in which I carried our team to another victory. You can check out our team stats for dek hockey at: http://www.uvm.edu/~rkaplan/dek2000.html.

If anyone can find a sticker of Jessica Simpson, it would be greatly appreciated if you could bring it to the next game, as I am sure it will enhance my physical and sexual performance (if upgrading my sexual performance from demigod/stallion is possible).

As you should see, I created a Beer/No Beer record for the team. I pray that this is our last game without beer and that I eventually take this stat off my journal, but for now, it will emphasize the impact that Beer can have on a team’s performance. As someone (must have) once said: “Beer is the ultimate motivator.” I think we all owe Mr. Postizzi a big “thank you” for posting a beer schedule, and everyone should respect and obey this schedule.

Courtney Carrier, the Canadiens goalkeeper, appeared to be a bit tight in his first game back with team after a disappointing loss in the semi-finals to the detested Bulls. Many skeptics point to his off-season holdout as the culprit in his sub-par performance, but an undisclosed source has another opinion. “Before the game, he put on a St. John’s tube-top that had to be from the 1800’s. This completely disturbed most of the players in the locker room, with the exception of myself. I thought it was sexy. I think Courtney felt self-conscious during the game” said ‘Bogie Roudreau’ (name disguised).

I sincerely hope Chuck is having a good time on his honeymoon. It’s absolutely unacceptable though for him to miss an NESHL game because of it. Hopefully the team can get on track with a victory and a 30-pack next week.