LET'S GO TO THE MOVIES:

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Wednesday: (hooking up an electric chair)  Pugsley, sit in the chair.
Pugsley: Why?
Wednesday: Because we're going to play a game.
Pugsley: What game?
Wednesday: (strapping him in) It's called, "Is There a God?"
The Addams Family

Frich Schultz: Is the C.D.C. seriously suggesting the blood industry spend 100 million dollars a year to use a test for the wrong disease because we've had a handful of transfusion fatalities and eight dead hemophiliacs?
Dr. Don Francis: How many dead hemophiliacs do you need?! How many people have to die to make it cost efficient for you people to do something about it? A hundred? A thousand? Give us a number so we won't annoy you again until the amount of money you begin spending on lawsuits makes it more profitable for you to save people than to kill them!
-And The Band Played On

Steve McCroskey: Jacobs, I want to know absolutely everything that's happened up 'till now.
Jacobs: Well, let's see: First the earth cooled. And, then the dinosaurs came, but they got too big and fat, so they all died, and they turned into oil. And, then the Arabs came and they bought Mercedes Benzes. And, Prince Charles started wearing all of Lady Di's clothes. I couldn't believe it, he took her best summer dress out of the closet, and put it on, and went to town.
-Airplane II

Steve McCroskey: Jacobs, what have you got on Elaine Dickinson?
Jacobs: Well, I'm two inches taller, a better dancer, and much more fun to be with
-Airplane II

Ellen Ripley: This is Ripley, last survivor of the Nostromo, signing off.
Alien

Don't say anything and we'll get along just fine.--Laurie Henderson
American Graffiti

I love the smell of napalm in the morning. It smells like victory.
Robert Duvall, Apocalypse Now

"We train young men to drop fire on people, but their commanders won't let them write "fuck" on their airplanes,
because it's obscene."
 -unknown, Apocalypse Now

Respect is fine, but actually I've always wanted to be feared.
-Dr Jennings, Arachnophobia

"Good ... bad ... I'm the guy with the gun."
- Ash, Army of Darkness

Arthur: Hobson, do you know what I'm going to do?
Hobson: No, I don't.
Arthur: I'm going to take a bath.
Hobson: I'll alert the media.
Arthur

Carol: Come on in, and try not to ruin everything by being you.
As Good As It Gets

"I'd really like to see how you look when I'm naked."
" I'd walk a million miles for one of your smiles, and even  farther for that thing you do with your tongue."
" If it's true that we are what we eat, then I could be you by  morning."
" You know, if I were you, I'd have sex with me."
" You. Me. Whipped cream. Handcuffs. Any questions?"
-Austin Powers, Austin Powers I and II
(quoted here courtesy of Louise, who sent a whole whack of these fun pick up lines to me!)

Daphne Wilder: Oh, please. I am not setting my daughter up with an attractive, charming musician who will just break her heart.
Johnny: Wow. Thank you for turning me into a societal cliché.
Because I Said So

"Oh my God, I'm gay!"
-Elliot, Bedazzled

"Well, you know what they say--three fifty and a Pullitzer will get you a cafe latte."
-Elliot, Bedazzled

Taxi Driver: These dogs will cost you an extra two dollars a head.
Bob Maloogaloogaloogaloogalooga: How much for rest of their bodies?
Big Man On Campus

Diane Gerard: Ball!
Bob Maloogaloogaloogaloogalooga: Ball!
Diane Gerard: Good! Bounce the ball!
Bob Maloogaloogaloogaloogalooga: Bounce ball!
Diane Gerard: Good! Banana! Banana!
Bob Maloogaloogaloogaloogalooga: Banana!
Diane Gerard: Very good!
Bob Maloogaloogaloogaloogalooga: Bounce banana!
Diane Gerard: No!
Alex: I hope the next item isn't a hand grenade.
Big Man On Campus

VAPID HOTTIE GUY:"Bubble gum helps me think"
NATHAN LANE: "Darling you're wasting your gum"
-The Bird Cage

Jimmy: I see you got fat.
Chazz: I see you still look like a fifteen year old girl, but not hot.
Blades of Glory

"It's 106 miles to Chicago. We have a full tank of gas, half a pack of cigarettes, it's dark . . . and we're wearing sunglasses." - Dan Akroyd, The Blues Brothers

Donald 'Duck' Dunn: We had a band powerful enough to turn goat piss into gasoline.
Blues Brothers

"Jack, I swear... "-Ennis Del Mar
Brokeback Mountain

Of all the gin joints in all the towns in all the world, she walks into mine.
-Rick, Casablanca

I don't want to be a pie. I don't like gravy!-Babs
Chicken Run

“Some things are true whether you believe them or not.”
                Nathen Messinger;  “City of Angels”

It's a matter of life after death, now that he's dead I have a life.
Mrs. White, Clue

"Andrew, it costs extra to have "Schmuck" carved on a tombstone, but you would definitely be worth the expense." Lee Remick,
"The Competition"

I've got a... dwarf, and I'm not afraid to use him!--Victor Van Dort
Corpse Bride

“No worries.”
 Mic Dundee, “Crocodile Dundee”

Kate: When we are through here, can we teach it how to breathe with its mouth closed?
The Cutting Edge

"Just shoot them in the head! They seem to go down permanently if you shoot them in the head."
- The County Sheriff, Dawn of the Dead

KENNETH: Is everyone there dead?
STEVE: Dead-ish.
KENNETH: Is everyone there dead?
STEVE: Yeah, in the sense that they all sort of fell down, and then got up, and they're eating each other.
-Dawn of the Dead

CJ: Wait, I don't mean to shit on anyone's riff, here, but let me just see if I grasp the concept of this plan; You want to take a couple of parking shuttles, reinforce them with some aluminum siding, drive on by the gun store and watch our good friend Andy do some cowboy jump-on-the-covered-wagon bullshit, then drive over to the marina through a welcome crowd of about 10,000 hungry cannibals, all so we can go for a ride on this fucking asshole's boat?
KENNETH: Yup.
CJ: ...I'm in.
Dawn of the Dead

"You can't sing show tunes and be depressed!"
 -Cooper, Dead Man On Campus

Detective John McClane: Yippee-ki-yay, motherfucker!
Die Hard

Channel 9 Operator:  Attention, whoever you are, this channel is reserved for emergency calls only.
John McClane: No fu**ing sh** lady. Do I sound like I'm ordering a pizza?
Die Hard

"Every girl over 25 should have a cucumber in the house."
-Joanna Cassidy, Don't Tell Mom the Babysitter's Dead

"Look, Benson, don't make us lean on ya, cause when my partner leans he goes in hot and heavy and deep enough to strike oil!  Now either you talk to us here...or we go downtown and talk all night."
 -Bill Gannon, Dragnet

"There are 2 things that differentiate man from animals;
1: we use cutlery,
2: we can control our sexual urges."
 -Joe Friday, Dragnet

"I have a PhD...in horribleness!" - Dr. Horrible.
Dr Horrible's Sing A Long Blog

“Whatever happened to chivalry? Does it only exist in 80’s movies? I want John Cusack holding a boombox outside my window. I wanna ride off on a lawnmower with Patrick Dempsey. I want Jake from Sixteen Candles waiting outside the church for me. I want Judd Nelson thrusting his fist into the air because he knows he got me. Just once I want my life to be like an 80’s movie, preferably one with a really awesome musical number for no apparent reason. But no, no, John Hughes did not direct my life.”
--Olive Penderghast, Easy A

Davidge: [after finding out Jerry is pregnant] "Well, don't look at *me*"
Enemy Mine

"Garter belt? At a day function?"
-David Duchovny (Ira Cane), Evolution

"Skinny girls hear violins; not so skinny girls hear French Horns."
-Sheila(Rosie O'Donnell), Exit To Eden

Ferris: I did have a test today. That wasn't bullshit. It's on European socialism. I mean, really, what's the point? I'm not European, I don't plan on being European, so who gives a crap if they're socialist? They could be fascist anarchists--that still wouldn't change the fact that I don't own a car. Not that I condone fascism, or any ism for that matter. Isms, in my opinion, are not good. A person should not believe in an ism--he should believe in himself. I quote John Lennon: "I don't believe in Beatles--I just believe in me." A good point there. Of course, he was the Walrus. I could be the Walrus--I'd still have to bum rides off of people.
Ferris Bueller's Day Off

"I've said it before, and I'll say it again...life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in a while, you might just miss it"
-Ferris Bueller, Ferris Bueller's Day Off

With a gun barrel between your teeth you speak only in vowels.
-Fight Club

"I was on the can, having one of those really good bowel movements, you know, the ones that border on the mystical."
  -Perry, The Fisher King

"You can find some pretty amazing things in the trash."
  -Perry, The Fisher King

"Of course I look good; all I do is fuck and eat."
Mary Louise Parker, The Five Senses

"You know what they say about blind prostitutes? You have to hand it to them! " -Chuck Porter
For Your Consideration

"I've had more kids pulled out of me than a burning orphanage!"
-Evie, Girls Will Be Girls

“Look, there is no right and wrong.  There is only fun and boring.”
                Eugene Belford, aka The Plague,  “Hackers”

"My teen angst bullshit now has a body count."
-Winona Ryder, Heathers

'I've always wanted a child, and now I think I'll have one....ON TOAST!"
-Bette Midler, Hocus Pocus

Beginnings are scary. Endings are usually sad, but it's the middle that counts the most.
--Sandra Bullock, Hope Floats

Katie: In my world everyone is a pony, and they all eat rainbows, and poop butterflies.
Horton Hears A Who, the movie

Morton: Horton, the kangaroo has sent Vlad!
Horton: Vlad? Vlad, Vlad... I know two Vlads. There's the bad Vlad... And then there's bunny Vlad, the one that makes cookies!
Morton: ...Yeah, Horton, she's sending you a bunny with cookies. I think it's safe to say it's the bad Vlad.
Horton: Yeah, good call.
Horton Hears A Who, the movie

Vlad: I will devour clover. Then I regurgatate it. Then I devour it second time. So two times devoured.
Horton Hears A Who, the movie

"When he reached the New World, Cortez burned his ships. As a result his crew was well motivated."
-Ramius,  The Hunt For Red October

"This is my Peter, friend Peter! We just now ran into each other, here at the intersexual . . . homosection . . . intersection!"
-Howard, In and Out

Captain Phineas J. Tucker: If these two men are gay then I'm a one-legged parrot. Anybody see me with a crutch and a cracker?
I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry

Captain Phineas J. Tucker: And most importantly, they showed us that no matter whom we choose to love, be they heterosexual, homosexual, asexual, bisexual, trisexual, quadrisexual, pansexual, transexual, omnisexual or that thing where the chick ties the belt around your neck and tinkles on a balloon, it has absolutely nothing to do with who we are as people.
I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry

"This is my hetero life-mate, Silent Bob."
                -Jay, Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back

"They ain't dangerous, Mama, they're writers."
- Early Grayce, Kalifornia

Although, so far there's no known treatment for death's crippling effects, still everyone can acquaint himself with the three early warning signs of death: one, rigor mortis; two, a rotting smell; three, occasional drowsiness.
-Henry Gibson, Kentucky Fried Movie

Jay: Dude, you just got patty slapped.
-Lords of Dogtown

Sid: [Talking about Tony] There's a Mexican in my pool and he's not pushing a lawn mower.
Lords of Dogtown

"...it's not my fault if I have a heavy flow and a wide set vagina!"
-from Mean Girls

Horace: Wolfman's got nards!
-Monster Squad

Eugene: Creature stole my twinkie!
-Monster Squad

Rudy: Where the hell am I supposed to find silver bullets? K-Mart?
-Monster Squad

Horace: My name... is Horace!
-Monster Squad

Patrick: Rudy, where you going?
Rudy: I'm in the goddamn club aren't I ?
-Monster Squad

Eugene:  Mummy came in my house.
-Monster Squad

Horace: Gentlemen, I'd just like to say three words: Scary, German, Guy.
-Monster Squad

"Now my life is like an ABBA song..."
-Muriel, Muriel's Wedding

"I love the internet--part fantasy, part community and you can pay your bills naked."
       -Must Love Dogs

"It's amazing the clarity that comes with psychotic jealousy."
-George, My Best Friend's Wedding

George: Death by mini-bar!
My Best Friend's Wedding

Colonel Hugh Pickering: Are you a man of good character where women are concerned?
Professor Henry Higgins: Have you ever met a man of good character where women are concerned?
My Fair Lady

Delmar O'Donnell: Them syreens did this to him. They loved him up and turned him into a horny toad.
O Brother Where Art  Thou?

"I deal with the god-damned customers so the engineers don't have to! I have people skills! I am good at dealing with people! Can't you understand that? What the hell is wrong with you people?"
–Richard Riehle, Office Space

"The first time Lancelot unhorsed me is so long ago that I can't remember. But it means nothing. Because a man can push you off a horse with a stick, it doesn't mean that he is a better man than you are."
- Mordred, The Once and Future King

"If we give into them, we'll give into all the cute and fuzzy bunnies in the world!"
- John Cusack, One Crazy Summer

Dwayne: I believe someone phoned about an animal problem? The solution is standing before you. Dwayne LaFontaine is here.
Gladys: Where have you been? I am throwing a Welcome to the Neighborhood party tomorrow, and so far, Debbie's car has killed more animals than you have.
Dwayne: Stand down, sister. I personally guarantee that there won't be a living thing at this party. The Verminator is on the job.
Over The Hedge

Gladys: That's the...
Dwayne: The Depelter Turbo. Prepare for a lot of stinging.
Over The Hedge

Hammy the Squirrel: [Slipping on kitchen floor] No grip! No grip! No grip!...
Over The Hedge

Hammy the Squirrel: Wanna help me find my nuts?
RJ: Very tempting, Hammy, very tempting...
Over The Hedge

"Dinah, your dress hikes up in the back."
"No, it's me that does."
 Mrs. Lord and Dinah, 'The Philadelphia Story'

Pirate Captain: Behind every captain, there's a crew. Sure, some of you are as ugly as a sea cucumber, some of you are closer to being a chair or coat rack than a pirate, and some of you are fish I've just dressed up in a hat...
Pirates! In an Adventure with Scientists

Jack Sparrow: My compass is unique.
Norrington: *Unique* here having the meaning of *broken*?
Jack Sparrow: True enough.
Pirates of the Carribean: Dead Man's Chest

"Talking about love is like dancing about architecture."
-Joan (Angelina Jolie), Playing By Heart

"Is Mike Hunt here? Has anyone seen Mike Hunt?"
-Wendy Williams, Porky's

Bernadette: Believe me, Bob, these days gentlemen are an endangered species. Unlike bloody drag queens who just keep breeding like rabbits.
Priscilla, Queen of the Desert

"I'm not giving up...and neither are you...and neither am I!"
-Duane, Rat Race

"I can do anything I like, Owen. I'm eccentric."
-Donald Sinclair, Rat Race

Wait a minute. Robin Hood steals money from my pocket, forcing me to hurt the public, and they love him for it? That's it then. Cancel the kitchen scraps for lepers and orphans, no more merciful beheadings, and call off Christmas!
-Sheriff of Nottingham, Robin Hood, Prince of Thieves

"A straight man who likes to dance around in sequins walks a very lonely road." - Link Peterson (Stanley Tucci) 'Shall We Dance'

"Take car. Go to Mum's. Kill Phil - "Sorry." - grab Liz, go to the Winchester, have a nice cold pint, and wait for all of this to blow over. How's that for a slice of fried gold?"
-Shaun, Shaun of the Dead

"Well excuse him, mr. tight pants with no underwear. You can take your 50c shoes and yer shite-lookin workin man's haircut and bend over, so I can take 6 pencils and shove them into your ass."
-Don, Shot In The Face

"She's as nasty as you are!"
-Donkey, Shrek

"It's rude enough just being alive when nobody wants you!"
-Farquad, Shrek

How can you be a reciever of the wedgies, when you are clearly not a wearer of the underpants?--Puss in Boots, to Donkey
Shrek the Third

"Well, you know, I just can't hold a grudge. So I've written my very first book of poetry and it's all about hope and communication and the healing power of love."
"What is it called?"
"'Wait Until He's Asleep, Then Cut It Off.'"
 -- The Stepford Wives

“Give me what I want and I’ll go away.”
-Andre Linoge;  “Storm of the Century”

Russell Ziskey: We're not homosexuals, but we are willing to learn.
John Winger: Yeah, would they send us someplace special?
-Stripes

Gurkin: Does anyone know another word for "douchebaggery"? I don't want to use it a third time.
Sydney White

Ricki Tarr: Mr Guillam, I'm sorry I was out for so long.
George Smiley: Ricki's been helping us, Peter! He's been telling us all about his adventures.
Peter Guillam: He's a double, George! There is no mole! Irina's been locked up by Moscow![turns on Tarr]Peter Guillam: I stole that, because of you! I spied on my own, because of him! Do you know how that makes me feel?
-Tinker, Tailor, Soldier, Spy

Bill Haydon: As I said, you may fuck me but you still have to call me "Sir" in the morning.
-Tinker, Tailor, Soldier, Spy

"I was a better man with you as a woman than I ever was with a woman as a man."
-Dustin Hoffman, Tootsie

Hillary Flammond: Who do you favor in the Virginia Slims tournament?
The Blindman: In women's tennis, I always root against the heterosexual.
-Top Secret!

"My biggest problem is being young and beautiful. . . I've been beautiful - God knows I've been young - but never the 'twain have met."
        -Harvey Fierstein, Torch Song Trilogy

Tucker: Oh hidy ho officer, we've had a doozy of a day. There we were minding our own business, just doing chores around the house, when kids started killing themselves all over my property.
Tucker and Dale Vs. Evil

Cousin Vicki: I'm going steady, and I French kiss.
Audrey Griswold: So? Everybody does that.
Cousin Vicki: Yeah, but Daddy says I'm the best at it.
National Lampoon's Vacation

Clark Griswold: I think you're all fucked in the head. We're ten hours from the fucking fun park and you want to bail out. Well I'll tell you something. This is no longer a vacation. It's a quest. It's a quest for fun. I'm gonna have fun and you're gonna have fun. We're all gonna have so much fucking fun we'll need plastic surgery to remove our godamn smiles. You'll be whistling 'Zip-A-Dee Doo-Dah' out of you're assholes! Ahh. ha. ha. ha. I gotta be crazy! I'm on a pilgrimage to see a moose. Praise Marty Moose! Holy Shit!
National Lampoon's Vacation

Greed - for lack of a better word - is good. Greed is right. Greed works.
-Michael Douglas, Wall Street

    Edgar Jacobi: Heh. Well, you know that kind of cancer that you get better from eventually?
    Rorschach: Yes.
    Edgar Jacobi: Well, that ain't the kind of cancer I got.
Watchmen

"I'm saying all I really want is someone to hold me and tell me everything is going to be all right."
-Sammy, The Wedding Singer

STORM: Do you know what happens to a toad when it's struck by lightning? The same thing that happens to everything else.
X-Men

"Aren't there any weapons on this thing?"
-Wolverine, X-Men II
(just before Mitchell pees his pants)

Professor Charles Xavier: Ready for this?
Erik Lehnsherr: Let's find out!
X-Men First Class

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